Onanism

I've been passing this sign on the way home from work for several weeks, now, and I laugh every time I see it. For those who don't know, Onan is mentioned in a story in the bible related to some ancient jewish marriage practices. Onan didn't follow them, and god killed him. The kicker is that the way in which Onan opted not to follow these practices led to a version of his name (onanism) being used as a synonym for masturbation. I imagine this scene playing out...

"Onan Place Condos? I'd never live there. Those people are a bunch of jerk-offs."

I wonder why, after deciding on a name for their projects, people don't just google it. Maybe I could start a company offering that service. About to give a name to your housing development, your child, or your pet? For a small fee, I'll research the name and provide you with possible embarassing associations with that name. Let's say $100 for simple search, or $250 for something more in depth. Any takers?

Cemetery Visit

I've recently been 'temporarily' relocated to a different lab at a site about 15 minutes away from my 'permanent' lab and desk. It's kind of a pain, because no matter which site I'm at, whatever I need is invariably at the other site. But that's not the point of this post.

The new site I'm at is bordered by a pair of cemeteries on one side. I visited during my lunch hour today, and let me tell you - these are not just any cemeteries. These are old ones. Probably opened about 1850. Many headstones stained with coal dust, others have sunk into the ground until only the top is visible. There's a weird industrial vibe to the area, too, with old railroad tracks and wooded areas which have gone wild. But there are other oddities, too. I'll talk about two of them today.

The first oddity is shown in this picture:

Sorry about the quality. My camera phone is more than 6 hours old and is, thus, seriously out of date. But you can still make out the image, I think. Resting atop a gravestone is a pair of black men's dress shoes, with a pair of white socks tucked haphazardly into them. Certainly a strange thing to come upon in a cemetery. Cemeteries aren't the kind of place where most people feel moved to remove their shoes. In fact, the very idea gives me the creeps! I'm still trying to imagine the scenario that led to this little scene. I imagine it involved alcohol, but I can't get much further than that.

The second oddity is shown in this picture:

Yes, it's a jar. Filled with formless black blobs... And resting near the base of a family monument. Now, upon discovering this oddity, some people might have picked up the jar. Not me. I'm no dummy. I still remember ghost in a jar (cached page here). I know that if you pick up a jar filled with and radiating evil, you will drop it and be forever haunted by a vaporous black cloud possessing a dark intelligence. No thank you. On the other hand, if anyone is interested in picking up the jar themselves, I can give directions... for a nominal fee. Like I said, I'm no dummy.

Alleged Lucky

I'm fascinated by the ornate trappings of some religions - saint cards, beeswax candles, incense and gregorian chants. And I always want to buy those saint candles I see in the Mexican aisle of the grocery store. They're just fascinating to me, with their connections to foreign ritual. But I've always been hesitant to buy them. There is a thin line between interest in the trappings of another's religion and blasphemous use of them as decoration.

So, when I saw this candle for sale, I snapped it up. With no connections to any organized religion I'm aware of, it's covered with traditional symbols of luck and fortune. There are four-leaf clovers, chests of treasure, dice, a mystic, and there are phrases as well: 'Time is Wealth', 'Lucky in Love', 'good fortune', 'Suerte in el amor','The Master Key', "prosperity - health - wealth'... on and on it goes.

Strangely, the number thirteen is also prominently displayed, as are a witch and the silhouette of a cat - what I would consider unlucky symbols. Perhaps they were included in a fit of conscience so that customers wouldn't be caught off guard if bad things still happened while burning the candle. Atop it all, the candle is captioned: 'Lucky Flame Candle' - except that isn't quite the name of this waxy boon.

Perhaps in the same attack of conscience which provoked the inclusion of ambiguous and unlucky symbols, there was provoked a legal fear as well. For the full name of this candle is 'Alleged Lucky Flame Candle'. Yes, this 'good luck' candle effectively contains a legal disclaimer. What is the world coming to?