auuuuuuuugh! and aieeeeeeee!

Ahem. Uh... We just spent... geez, how to bring this up? Well, I guess it's like telling your blind date that you have herpes. Just bite the bullet and do it.

We've got a rat. Not a pet rat - well, yes, technicallya pet rat, but not really -

OK, let's try this again, in narrative form.

Earlier this evening (see how nice that starts out? yes, narrative was definitely the way to go. oh, sorry, please continue). As I was saying, earlier this evening, TheGirl was sent to empty the kitchen recycling bin into the garage recycling bin. (wow, that sounds kind of inefficient. why don't you - oh. sorry. heh, heh. sorry) After a moment, we heard a squeak, a slamming door, and the sound of TheGirl running through the house at full speed. Questioning led us to learn that she had seen"a rat" in the garage. Heh, heh. So cute. a rat, indeed. "How big was it?" Hands were held a foot apart in reply. "What?! What color was it?" White with a pink tail. What the? TheFishmonger heads out into the garage.

"Well, I don't see anything..." scritch scritch... "HOLY !" The sound of a slamming door, and the sound of TheFishmonger running through the house at full speed. "Well?" demands TheFishmonger's Wife. "Yeah, a rat. A white lab rat." WTF?!?

After removing the cars from the garage and pulling a few items off of the wall, I managed to herd the varmint out the garage door and into the flower bed. (what did that accomplish?) Right, so now it's outside. Better get it off the property. A broom handle probes the flowers then, a flash of white, loping along the flower beds. one side, then another, then... oh shit.. under the deck. The deck that's 1 foot off of the ground, so you can't see under it, and it's always dark down there. Dark like the night. And rats are nocturnal.

Since we lost sight of the rat beneath the deck, we've called an exterminator. He recommends we not hire him. "It's a waste of money for one rat", he opines. OK, but tonight, I'll be thinking of rats chewing their way in, nibbling the crumbs out of my beard, licking the milk from the corners of TheBoy's mouth. The exterminator says to wait a few days, and it'll likely wander off. Just keep the garage door closed.

Current theories tag this guy as a lost pet. Which doesn't mean that it's safe to handle - don't worry about TheFishmonger trying that one, I gar-on-tee! Tommorrow, we're gonna get a live trap... and pray that the rat doesn't get into the mouse poison under the deck. A rotting mouse is bad enough. A rotting rat? Well, it just might be the only thing worse than a live rat.

(Thanks to rattyroo for the use of the picture above.)


Jeanna said...

A rat as a pet? Eek, guess I've heard of that. How brave to get a close up pic.

Middle Bro said...

I vote for the non-live trap/ many glue trays. I know this may be counter to the Fishmongers ways, ....but a man has to sleep and the only way I am sleeping is to see a carcass. What do you plan on doing with it is a trap? Releasing it in your flower bed? In my mind a rat is a rat. (unless of course it can speak and is in a Disney movie in which case it is almost human)

Shevy said...

Which one of you brought the rat home from work? If it was missing a leg it would be a reincarnation of Sarah's old pet rat.

The Fishmonger said...

Can't claim credit for bravery, jeanna - it isn't my pic of a rat. That's actually rattyroo's rat. I didn't think to try getting a pic of mine until it was running thru the flower beds. I guess I still don't think 100% blogger!

middle bro: we've decided to trust the exterminator, and hope that he'll just move along and get et by a coyote, as he glows in the moonlight. We've kept the garage door closed for a few days, and seen no sign of the little guy. We DID get a couple of offers to take it off of our hands (as a pet) should we catch it, though.

shevy: yeah, TheWife and I both had the thought - "Alright, who do we know with a sense of humor twisted enough to slip a lab rat into one of our cars?" But since the only people we could think of that fit don't have access to our cars, we had to give up on the theory.

BA said...

I have a key to your car. :-)