Re: closet monsters

Please be advised that it is imperative that the lights be turned off in closets whose doors have been closed. Failure to turn off the lights in closets with closed doors can aid closet monsters in multiple ways:

1. The monsters will be able to see clearly, and thus can sketch out elaborate plans (in the fashion of Rube Goldberg) designed to deposit household denizens into their gaping maws.

2. The monsters will be able to plant monster seeds in the closet. Normally, these seeds only sprout when they roll out from the closet and lodge in the comparative brightness found beneath a bed. The monster fledgings must then make the difficult and dangerous voyage backt to closet. Many of the monsterlings are lost in this voyage, keeping populations low. However, when the closet lights are left burning, the monsters can grow their babies in the closet, dramatically increasing local monster population levels.

3. Finally (and this is the most critical reason), if the closet lights are left on, the monsters will eventually become acclimated to full light conditions. Should this occur, monsters will be able to attack during broad daylight, when most individuals are far from the protection of blankets, sheets and pillows. Should this happen, mankind could be destroyed in a matter of days.

So, you can see, the risk of closet lights far outweighs the risks represented by more obviously dangerous items such as lightning, knives, and squirrels. Only through careful and concerted action can this risk be mitigated. Thank you for your support.